Growing older is a good thing; or, to be more precise, growing older with a healing community is a very good thing. To journey with a band of people who share similar values and goals, who are open about the brokenness in their own lives, and whom God uses to heal one another, is very precious. And to journey with those who have had more experience than you in your calling, and are willing to share with you their expertise, is invaluable.
In the past 24 hours I have been very aware of convergence. The past events in my life, the ups and downs, the times of togetherness and the times of separation are starting to make sense. It seems like everything is converging as He leads me on to a fresh path. I am embarking on a time of spiritual cleansing and renewal even as I join my newly-formed band of sisters and brothers for the next step in my journey.
Together with the psalmist, I concur:
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
You make known to me the path of life; (Psalm 16:6,11, ESV)
If I had a choice, I don’t know if I would still have chosen my life with all its really bad bits. But it has been invaluable in finding God, and in stumbling on those who are truly after God’s heart.
“There’s no such thing as aging gracefully. We age in fits and starts,” my older sister declared.
As the youngest of five siblings, I am now watching the older ones age first. I have watched as the once strong and loud ones diminish over time as bodies start giving way, disease start creeping in. Once so sure of themselves, always walking ahead of me, I now have had to slow down so that we can walk in step.
I have seen others go through the ravages of divorce and abusive marriages and now, in their 70s and 80s, have found solace in gardening, switching to vegetarianism, making soothing drinks from plants that were common a few generations ago and spontaneously bursting into childhood songs, holding hands as they sang. I could be wrong, but I wonder if that was the way they coped with pain — by keeping busy and escaping into the past.
Then I look at how I have coped. I had decided early on to look squarely at the past, to see where I have undergone Type A and Type B trauma and to seek ministry for these once I knew where to go.
And even as I have been healed, I ministered healing to others and found satisfaction in watching them grow into warmer, healthier, more loving and more successful human beings as the fears and wounds that stunted their personal growth were dealt with, one at a time.
So, what is my legacy I hope to leave behind, even as I am now entering the winter season of life?
When I leave planet Earth, I hope to leave behind a group of people who have had their souls and spirits healed to such an extent that they become a force for good to those whom God will send into their path.
In the late 90s when I started work in church, I dreamed I was on a path which was intersected by a flowing stream. Across the stream, an angel slept under a tree. When he sensed my presence, he jumped up and handed me a bunch of keys saying, “These are yours. Use them.” I woke, wondering what it meant.
Then, I was in charge of the newly-formed prayer ministry and by default, anything involving healing or deliverance would be referred to me. I was a newbie, and I knew I had to search for keys to freedom. I learned from Ellel Ministries, then Trinity Christian Centre, and then Restoring the Foundations. Each had its strengths and weaknesses. Each was helpful to set myself and others free, but each had limitations. We soon hit a ceiling as to how much freedom we received.
Then through a series of divine coincidences, I came across Sapphire Leadership Group, helmed by Arthur Burk. Through his teachings, I became aware of generational curses and blessings, and how seemingly “harmless” lifestyle choices can result in pretty dire consequences. I also learned how unholy spirits can have strongholds, not only in people, but also on land and property. I drank from his stream, and for many years was helped, and also helped others get free — but I hit a ceiling again.
A year passed, and then in April 2022, the Lord led me to HeartSync Ministries. That was revolutionary. I was set free from the abandonment issues that had plagued me since childhood — and in the process, I set others free as well.
I realized that the Lord had given me a bunch of keys in the spiritual realm, and a big part of my life consisted of finding and using them, one by one. When the key I had used to help others stopped working, I needed to wait until the Lord led me to the next key. And my friends who were patient and waited while I learned are reaping the results now.
You know who you are: Thank you for being patient and not giving up when the keys I had stopped working; thank you for having the faith to say Yes, when I said “I have a new key, would you like to try it?” Thank you for remaining a friend while I looked for the new key that would set you and I free. To each of my friends, I enjoy seeing you:
Reaping the rewards of inner satisfaction and material success in doing what God has created you to do
Immersing yourself in the abundant spiritual life which was hindered for so, so long
Overcoming the fear of death that you had sought ministry for over many years
And these are only a few testimonies that were shared with me.
It has been a long, eventful journey and I am sure more adventures, and more keys, await us. Thank you for being faithful friends. You know who you are.
Many Christians are aware of Matthew 18:18, where Jesus introduces the “two or three” principle, but may not be aware that the enemy also uses it.
18 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
The presupposition in this passage was that if believers would agree on something that would be in the will of God, that it would be done for them “on earth as it is in heaven.”
The enemy also uses this principle, but to do his will. How does he do it?
Usually, he preys on one person first — someone with bitterness in their lives — and gets the person offended. Then Sally, filled with anger and distrust, instead of gently approaching the offender with the aim of getting clarification, decides to unload on Amy. And Sally wants Amy to agree that Mary is this really bad person.
If Amy disagrees, then Mary remains free of oppression for a time; but bitter people are persistent. If Amy doesn’t cave in over time, she will find other people who would agree with her. With enough agreement, Mary finds herself oppressed and her ministry has difficulty moving forward. But if she knows in her heart that the ministry is God’s calling, not her doing, she will wait on the Lord for vindication.
Every person I know who has God’s call in their lives and are acting on it, have to face the opposition of bitter believers.
If only all believers can receive the abundance that Jesus has promised in His Word! And His Word is true. The abundance is there. I have received it, and I am continuing to receive it.
And people who are bitter resent those who are enjoying His abundance, not realizing it’s there within their grasp but — they need to change their mindset. And change is hard for many.
Once, someone came to me in a desperate state. I said, “Okay, I know you’ve gone through traditional healing and deliverance and it hasn’t worked. How about I do something different, and bless your spirit?” She couldn’t receive the blessing. So I went back to praying the more “traditional” spiritual warfare prayers and there was some release for her. But I knew she would have to work hard at rebuilding her spirit and soul, and it would take at least 1-2 years to see a breakthrough. I also knew she wanted a quick fix and wouldn’t be back.
So, the evil one plays on the immaturity and the ignorance of believers who insist that God must do a miracle now to restore their lives but forget that it was many years of the same habits that got them in this mess and it will take years to get them out. God says we need to “work out our salvation with fear and trembling” — the sanctification process is a lifetime commitment.
It needs a lifetime to grow up and wise up and it won’t be smooth sailing. In our search for a healing ministry, we can come across wounded healers who may help us, but also wound us; or we come across people who have skill but not enough knowledge at the time to deal with the particular issue you’re struggling with (all people called to the healing ministry will face something that they can’t tackle — it comes with the territory — and they need to further learn from others to upskill themselves. And if they can’t help you despite a number of tries, please don’t badmouth them. They didn’t hurt you in the process, so don’t hurt them. Don’t help the enemy in his lies and slander).
As the apostle Paul says, who faced much opposition from his own people (1 Corinthians 4):
5 judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.
And as Psalm 27 says to those who are oppressed:
14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Living in community is difficult. In his day, Paul wrote of the Corinthian church: “I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder” (2 Cor 12:20). Two thousand years later, not much has changed.
Someone asked, “How do you reconcile the fact that this is church and these are Christians?”
I said I don’t bother to reconcile.
Paul has already said that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph 6:12). And their favourite sport is to pit Christian against Christian, using another favourite weapon — lies and suspicions planted in their minds, manifesting in destructive words and actions aimed at their target.
But Jesus has already given us a counter strategy: “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:28). So we are to build up in prayer, those who desire to tear us down.
To be honest, it took time for me to get to that point. As a new Christian, I just gritted my teeth and decided to pray for the person because God said so. But that Christian discipline guarded my heart from stewing in anger and bitterness.
Later, I learned to get my hurt ministered to by the Lord and then pray from that healed place because anyone who would systematically tear down another is seriously wounded herself.
I also saw the fruit in the lives of those who would slander others: inner darkness and torment, disease, and even death. Once, I saw a heavy cloud hovering over them, oppressing them and reaching a dark tentacle out towards their listener. When I saw that in the spirit, I told the speaker and asked her to stop. She did so and the cloud disappeared.
The Word tells us to stop slandering others. The Spirit showed me in one brief instance what was happening in the invisible realm.
Years ago, I met someone who was so offended with another that she went to each church friend to rant against her target. I was rather taken aback by her abrupt approach and couldn’t make head or tail of her story and honestly, didn’t care to. I already knew the problem was her. Her target stayed silent and as far as I know, said nothing against her.
(One thing I have observed throughout the years is that people who are walking in the Spirit can discern the truth. So, if you’re the victim of a smear campaign, take heart. The people who matter are for you.)
One day, she suddenly fainted and her lips and nails started turning blue — a precursor of death; fortunately, she was with other Christians who interceded fervently for her life and rebuked the spirit of death. She revived; a subsequent medical checkup showed nothing wrong. After that incident, she stopped her activities.
God does judge; He also shows mercy.
And so, I learned to let offences go and be at peace.
You can’t change people’s minds about you. Much of it is projection because your looks, mannerisms and attitudes — innocuous to others, but triggering to them — remind them of someone, usually in childhood, who hurt them seriously.
You cannot know what Luke 14 means unless you have lived it out.
25 Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, 26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
I have pondered over the phrase, “hate… even his own life”, and it’s true for me. As a child, I was too young to understand the implications and the motivations behind destructive behavior. Now, having paid thousands of dollars to healing ministries to attend their seminars and buy their materials, having flown thousands of miles to learn, even staying six months in the UK in the process, I have a much better understanding. And I got a lot of healing along the way.
27 Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.
I contrast this with Matthew 11:
28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
I have learned over the years to release my burdens to the Lord and to receive His rest. That cross, just as it was for Jesus, was something that was put on me by others. At first, we trudge after Jesus with it. But as time goes on, as we mature in Christ, as we learn to transfer the weight of the cross to Him, it shrinks. And it becomes something that is light and easy — only what Jesus wants you to carry.
28 For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? 29 Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, 30 saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’
31 Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? 32 And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace.
Following Jesus is a life-long journey with many ups and downs and detours. Many give up along the way and make peace with the enemy because in their mind, it costs too much to follow Jesus — whether it’s time, money or more likely, having to risk trusting someone, a minister you don’t really know with a fragile piece of your heart.
It takes courage to risk; I have been misunderstood, judged and talked down to by a minister who failed to see their own issues. But I picked myself up and went on. Why? Because I know that I too can make mistakes, and because I want to be forgiven, I forgive them too. And I moved on to others.
And in the process, I have come to know people that are on fire for the Lord, people I wouldn’t have imagined meeting in my wildest dreams — not perfect, but who are on a journey and are willing to face their own issues and apologise when they’re in the wrong — and who forgive me too, when I inadvertently hurt them. And with sincere apologies, the relationship is restored as before. That’s how healed they are.
33 In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.
We have to give up everything we’re holding — our pride, suspicions, cynicism, unbelief, our fears, our money, our past bad experiences — and start taking risks.
I have found that when I risk something for Jesus, do something that I know is helpful for me even though I’m afraid to try it, the rewards are great. Words fail to describe it.
Thank you for following this blog. You may notice I haven’t written for over a month, and that’s because a new, busy season has started — just when I thought it was time to take it easy and ease into retirement!
I am learning and practicing the basics of HeartSync Ministries, an approach that targets the healing of the parts of the heart, which complements what I have already been doing for a number of years, which is learning how to heal the wounded human spirit as we deal with the enemy of our souls.
The HeartSync Basic course ends mid-July, after which an Intermediate course starts. It’s an adventure which the Lord has led me to, after a series of divine coincidences and I’m enjoying it!
For those who are looking for ministry sessions, Yes, I’m still making time for this even as I’m continuing with the Basic course.
In the meantime, I will continue to blog, but on an ad hoc basis.
I have been cutting down from social media activities since the beginning of this month, and it has led to an increasingly greater quietness within. I don’t know how long this season will last — the last time God led me into this, it was for 10 years — but I’m enjoying it. I wonder if this is a little of how the saints of old felt when they retreated into the cells of their monasteries or into their caves to seek Him.
“A little” as I’m not living the ascetic lifestyle they lived, but as I cut down on my activities, I become more aware of how social media saps our soul and distracts us from ourselves. Conversely, as we step away from all the noise, we become aware of the inner stirrings of our heart and so can tend to them; as we tend to them, a greater wholeness and quietness settles within.
Most people I know live in frantic interaction with others and pay scant attention to their own selves, and it’s to their loss. Frankly, I think many people don’t want to look at what’s in their heart. But as we do, as we pay attention and tend to our own heart, the reward is peace and quiet within and a greater awareness of the presence of God.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” (Matthew 5:8, ESV)
(Picture was taken at the Learning Forest, Singapore Botanic Gardens).
For some weeks now, I’ve had a small group practice meeting one-on-one and affirming the good qualities they see in each other.
In Asia, this is counter-culture. In most Chinese families, children are seldom praised. The only exception is when a child gets no less than an A grade or is admitted into a well-known university — think Ivy League or Oxbridge. The metric for worthiness is performance, usually to do with academics, not quality of character.
So, meeting regularly with a group that desires to find their positive attributes and articulating them to each other is rather unusual. The result has been much self-discovery as each person realises that traits they take for granted are unique, and a blessing to the community.
I can’t reverse thousands of years of Chinese tradition through these exercises, but seeing people light up as their good qualities are blessed, is a reward in itself. And second, having them internalise these truths in their quiet time have resulted in greater self-confidence and so, a greater ability to tackle the challenges that life throws at them.
We’re still a work in progress, but I hope that affirming one another will be a lifestyle. When we are blessed, we are empowered to bless others.
I am really grateful to Rebekah Scott for her course in Unveiling Beauty, that started the ball rolling for me.
“When will the inner healing process be complete?” I was asked the other day.
My answer was, “It won’t be complete as long as we’re alive.” Because the passion of God is for us to be His bride, without wrinkle or spot. Because His passion is for us to “Be holy, because He is holy” (1 Peter 1:16).
And because of that, He permits the devil to test us. His Son got tested, His disciples got tested. And we believers will get tested.
The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the Lord tests hearts (Proverbs 17:3)
God’s purpose for the test is that we be refined and be a better version of ourselves; the devil’s purpose is that we flounder and stay stuck in a rut.
A friend asked about the conflicts that she faces in community. I said these were opportunities for her to discern if:
It’s an old wound or wrong belief that is being surfaced for her to deal with;
It is the other party’s issue and nothing to do with her at all or,
More commonly, both are somehow at fault and both need to do better.
As we become a better version of ourselves, we become more wholesome, showing more integrity, shining brighter for the Lord. What we say and what we do, matches. And God’s purpose for our lives is made manifest.